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[ Nathan looked up at Peter again as he sipped his own coffee, thinking about it to himself as they went along. Yes, it was damned off that he ran the chapel, but the way those things had come about, the mental place that he'd been at at the time... It had made sense. It wouldn't make any sense to Peter, especially not if he didn't know about Nathan being shot.

He's get to it, but not now. ]

Something like that.

[ He smiled and took another sip, looking around the kitchen again. This wasn't Peter's kitchen. He belonged further down the ship, in one of the better worn rooms. Would his things still be there, he wondered? Peter's things? His clothes? He'd never even been to his room. What if there was something that gave Peter an explanation for something he wasn't ready to be told yet? About the world ending, maybe? It could mess him up. ]

We had people to mourn and nowhere to do it. By the next week we had pews and an altar, and a permanent place down in the gardens, right out there among the flowers. It's been there longer than a lot of things on board.

[ Nathan is proud of it; prouder of the chapel maybe, then he is of Comms. ]

I could show you down there after your coffee. Izzie needs the walk anyway, otherwise she'll mess in the corridors somewhere.

[ Going quiet while Nathan speaks, Peter simply listens, mulling over his cup of coffee as it's giving him the rest of the secrets to the world. It feels as if he's only recently learned the meaning of silence, but he supposes that a year's recent enough when you're nearly thirty. It doesn't matter, though, because he's not blathering away, just trying to fit what little he can together.

It's like having someone mix every puzzle you own together, and then running away with half of the pieces. It just doesn't fit, no matter how much time you waste cramming pieces together hopelessly. Peter's had nowhere near enough time to ruminate yet, but he doesn't know what's next. Where he's supposed to do. And if he's learned anything, he probably shouldn't follow Nathan around simply because it's time to start making his own decisions. But his own decisions led him to Adam -- how many things is he going to screw up before he throws in the towel?

But there were people to mourn and so Nathan found a way to help people mourn. He had to focus on something for the time being, he might as well just go along with it. ]

Yeah, sure.

[ Swirling the last of the coffee around in his mug, Peter stays quiet for a few seconds longer, wondering how many commands from Adam he silently followed. He'll have no connection to this church whatsoever, none-- no connection to anyone here. But he'll go look. Because why not. ] Have you been keeping her in your room? Izzie, I mean. Or... in the gardens. Or did I take her?

[ He nods back towards her, ears perked at the mention of her name. ] Your name's on her collar.

[ If the last thing Peter remembered was Adam, then he needed some guidance. His brother needed help, he just couldn't be cut loose with all this confusion going on and expected to keep his feet underneath him, Nathan knew that. It was like just after he'd come out of the hospital, he wouldn't know what to do with himself.

Nathan sipped down the last of his coffee, then reached for the dog biscuits as Izzie sat back up, eyes bright and ears perked at Peter. He smiled, looking between the two of them. ]

Izzie showed up with my name on her collar, but I think the ship... I think the ship sent her to me so I could help you. You were having a hard time of it, Pete. You didn't trust me, you'd lost... You lost Gabriel - you don't know him, yet, but you cared about him. It's a whole other story, okay? You felt like you were alone, and then there was Izzie, and I finally saw you smile, maybe for the first time since you got here. I only ever saw you smile with her.

So she's your dog. She's always been your dog. I think she just sorta puts up with me, to tell you the truth.

[ He reached out and petted her head gently. ]

She was just what you needed back then. She still is. And talking about what you should do next... Well, I've got a room you can stay in. You can face all the rest of it when you're ready, that way.

[ Knocking back the last of his rapidly cool coffee, Peter was up and out of his seat as soon as Nathan was. Which was almost a mistake, considering Nathan's answer to his question was a hell of a lot more complicated than it should've been. Or at least, more complicated than Peter wanted it to be. This time when he listened, Peter was left to soak it in while standing up, and so his attentions focused solely onto Izzie, flopping her ears about and scratching her like the world depended on it just so he didn't have to deal with it all the way he probably should've been trying to. There were millions of questions to ask, but Peter was still stuck on one -- why did Adam have to use him?

But all the others? Who was Gabriel? Why did Peter lose him, why did he matter? Why didn't he trust Nathan all over again?

What the hell happened and did it even matter?

Glancing back up when Nathan finally seemed done explaining things, his hands went into his pockets even if Izzie stuck right at his side, tail still swishing contently. She might've been staring up at Nathan - the one hold the dog biscuits - but she knew where she stood, and Peter probably would've found it funnier if he wasn't so confused.

All ready for Nathan to lead the way, Peter only hesitated at the offering, eyes going just slightly wider with the look of a little brother being offered the unexpected. ]

You mean I can room with you?

[ Whether Nathan was ever really able to get it straight was debatable. Hopefully he could get away with telling Peter it was a future that wasn't going to happen and they had other things to worry about, but it wasn't going to be something he occupied himself with right now.

They'd have time to talk about all sorts of things. Maybe Nathan would have Peter tell him again about what he'd gone through with Adam, and pretend he hadn't heard most of it before. Maybe Peter'd end up more honest about some of the stuff because of it. You never knew. They'd have most of the night. Nathan knew Peter, he knew this moment, he knew that he didn't know who to turn to and was burning up with energy and didn't know where to burn himself out, and that he damn well wouldn't sleep for hours after they both put their heads down.

Peter had been a pain in the ass that night too, out in the motel in Odessa. It had taken three days to get the right news coverage organised. They'd stepped out there--and that was the last thing Nathan remembered. ]

Of course you can, Pete. Where else are you gonna go?

I don't know, Nathan, my own room?

[ He was an adult after all, even if Adam had managed to delude him into thinking he was anything but. He had started to feel like he wasn't even allowed to dress himself, to think for himself, to make a single move without having it be thought through by Adam first. Every stop they made was Adam's, every decision, every pair of clothing they'd gotten and how fast they had to run. It was Adam's money, his ideas, and Peter was fairly sure that Nathan shouldn't go back to taking his place.

Because that's exactly what had happened. Adam had expounded upon his guilt and abused it and now Peter was right back where he started. But far more shaken up and somehow part of him had been buried and taken away.

Peter knew he had his own room here, though. Just like everyone else. And maybe it'd be better if he just went and got it over with; took advantage of having his own space for the first time in nearly a quarter of a year and tore it apart until he could actually pretend to try and sleep. Because as far as Peter knew, he wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. He shook his head though, starting to walk with the hope that Nathan would follow.

Glancing over his shoulder, he looked at Nathan insistently. ] You're gonna have to show me how to get there, Nathan. I got lost looking for a kitchen, I don't even know where i'd start trying to find a garden.

Izzie knows.

[ Nathan grinned and reached over to touch his brother on the head, and then they were setting off. The moment they were beyond the kitchen door Peter said. "Izzie, walkies!" And she span in circles and began to go bolting up and down the corridor, leading them along to the elevator door.

To be quite fair, Nathan had been training her to do it in a certain way. He had no intention of getting lost, not knowing the way back to the elevator. Izzie never got lost, she always knew the way back, and so long as you got to an elevator you stood a chance of finding someone else or working out where you were--or that was Nathan's plan anyway. Of course it meant you had to have Izzie with you, and it assumed that the screwed up ship wouldn't get her just as lost if it ever came down to it. ]

We can sit up and play cards, or something. while I get you up to speed on the ship and--well, there's a whole lot about the ship.

[ He set the elevator to take them to the garden and leant against the rail. ]

It'll take about ten minutes. This one takes us all the way along the ship. The Oxygen gardens are right at the back, near Engineering.

[ Oh, Izzie. Despite Peter's inability to digest all of what's going on, she still manages to make him smile -- something he's not sure he's honestly done in a long time. Not that he didn't enjoy his time with Adam, but just the thought that he did know makes his blood curdle. He can't even say how it made him feel anymore, simply because the guilt of it all makes him want to pull his hair out.

Whether or not the shame'll eat him alive over the course of the next few weeks is something that'll remain to be seen.

Following after Nathan, glancing around the halls and trying to take everything in, but only in pieces at a time, Peter steps into the elevator behind Nathan, leaning up against the opposite wall. ]

Engineering? [ Giving Nathan a straight on look, no longer brightly questioning but muted curiosity, Peter guesses that this has something to do with the 'whole lot about the ship.' comment. Or maybe these are jut the basics, the things that everyone gets told their first day here. For the moment, he can't help but reel himself in; now it's just a habit. As much as Adam pulled out of him, now Peter sure he should talk anymore. ]

Engineering. So far as I can tell, a huge portion of the ship - maybe a quarter of it - makes up the ship's engines. It's no jet plane.

[ But Nathan will happily tell Peter all about the shuttles soon enough, even if they're more like cargo planes than Tomcats.

Izzie jumps up. She hates the elevator because it takes so long for her to get somewhere fun. Her paws hit Nathan in the groin, and he reaches down to readjust her, holding her up, into a safer position. ]

Alright, girl. I get it. Pete, distract her with some of those biscuits, will you? Otherwise my baby making days are done.

[ No, Nathan, your baby making days really ought to be done. What do you want. ]

[ There's something about being back around Nathan that sets the world right on its course. Like 'big brothers that act more like a father should' are all Peter needs to remember who he's really supposed to be at the end of the day.

And like the fact that when Nathan says things like that, Peter's instantly reverted back to being fifteen years old, where the thought of Nathan and 'baby making' is practically gag worthy. Sex. Ew. Gross. And he runs a hand over his face, grimacing just slightly because... well, because no. ]

Pretty sure your baby making days were done a few years ago, Nathan, unless you really wanted to be eighty by the time they turned ten. [ Peter pokes at the elevator a little bit more before giving in and shaking the box of biscuits, causing Izzie to use Nathan like a spring, shoving off of him and jumping over to sit at Peter's feet. ]

I actually have to be stuck in here with you for ten whole minutes while we talk about Izzie turning you into a eunuch?

That's right. A whole ten minutes.

[ But Nathan had escaped Izzie's rough paws, and that was fine for now. He grinned at his brother as she came over and sat with her tail swishing, looking up to him with the intense hungriness of a well fed dog who saw food and wanted it no matter what. ]

That's unfair, Pete. No more babies? I'm divorced now, I can marry a girl half my age and settle down and do it all over again if I like.

[ Maybe on some alien planet. Who knew. ]

Remind me to introduce you to Lauren some time.

[ Staring down as he offered another biscuit to Izzie, Peter couldn't help but shake his head slowly, amused but not outright laughing. It wasn't as if the strain of the situation kept him from even grinning, he was just somewhere else for a few moments, watching Izzie crunch before scratching her head. ]

Think i'll pass on meeting your new girlfriend.

[ Glancing toward the elevator doors, Peter dug absently through the box of biscuits, not particularly caring about lavishing Izzie with affection. ]

All you need now is a red convertible. Guess it's convenient that you're up in space, huh, don't have to waste the money. [ He flashes Nathan a look, though Peter has no idea what he's going for. It's likely he just looks shell-shocked while trying his hardest to be sarcastic. ]

[ Nathan actually did snort. It was ridiculous - Peter was ridiculous - but it was the kind of ridiculous well meaning ribbing that he'd missed. He had to resist the urge to reach over and hug his brother again spontaneously. It'd just look weird, and instead Nathan dropped down to a crouch and ruffled Izzie's fur and pushed his face into her neck for a moment. She still only had eyes for Peter.

He stood up a second later and grinned at him. ]

One day, Pete, it'll be you with the screaming four year olds and the need for the open road. Just you wait.

[ Except. Well, Nathan knew better. ]

Pete...

[ He was interrupted by the doors opening, and Izzie zooming away with her tail all a blur. ]

[ Peter couldn't help but roll his eyes at his brother, but thank god for not needing to comment on that particular sentiment. At least not right now. It didn't matter if he wanted to be a dad one day, that wasn't the point. It was just a little much, especially after the thing with Chad - kissing strangers hadn't been on his agenda - and Adam and maybe none of it was meant to be.

Maybe he'd just screw it all up.

And then the elevator doors opened and whatever Nathan was going to say went with Izzie, turning into a black blur as she bolted away. Peter tipped his head slightly, looking before even considering stepping out, then glancing once more at Nathan. Seconds away from asking him any number of other questions, he stayed quiet instead, looking back to the first greenery of the gardens.

Couldn't he just say in the elevator? Did he actually have to try and process all of this at once? It should help that Nathan was so used to it and it did, but shouldn't he be doing something productive instead of wondering if Nathan ever flew anymore? ]

[ Nathan laughed. Izzie knew where she was going. There were things to chase in the gardens, and she wasn't going to get herself into much trouble just throwing herself around chasing things. His mind wandered the same way Peter's did, and he turned back to his brother and studied him for a second.

Seriously. What was he hanging around in there for?

Quietly he stepped back over, his shoulder on the edge of the door. ]

I know it's a lot to take in all at once, but we've done unbelievable before. It wasn't easy then, either. [ He reached out and clutched Peter's shoulder. ]

Come fly with me?

Huh?

[ It was a combination of surprise and disconnect. He'd been staring hard enough to split the world in two, but to hear those words come from Nathan was still something of a shock. Shifting his gaze to stare hard at his big brother for only a few moments, Peter wriggled his way out from under Nathan's hand and therefore out of the lift. He wasn't doing it to be evasive, not really -- he just didn't want to get stuck inside if it moved without his consent.

Only then could he try to think it over once more, his gaze lifting upwards. There was room. Sort of. But for almost a year now, his abilities had been solely used for the benefit of others. Not to help anyone, but for a singular goal -- to obey Adam. To respond without question.

It seemed wrong now to be so flippant about it when he'd nearly killed someone using his abilities. ]

I don't know. [ That didn't mean he actually wanted to talk about it, however. ] You think the ceiling's even high enough?

Ceiling's plenty high enough. I come here all the time, but I like to fly in the shuttle bay too. And I mean it, Pete--I like to fly. It takes my mind off everything else, and there's a whole lot of everything else.

[ Difficult to accept after the denial they'd come from? Maybe. But Nathan had come to appreciate the simple things since he'd come here. He let the elevator go and Izzie came racing past them again, a black streak going around after god knew what. She knew that Nathan flew sometimes, and where to find him, so he left her to it.

Peter, on the other hand, might need a little bit more encouragement. He reached out to touch his brother's shoulder. ]

I spent the longest time thinking of it as anything but a gift. After what we went through, I know it's not that simple. But this can be ours, Pete. We're brothers, and it belongs to both of us. So will you come fly with me or not?

[ I like to fly. Why hadn't Nathan said that when it had counted for so much more?

Not that it didn't count now, but it was different. And he'd been away for so long; why hadn't anyone come looking? It still struck him on occasion that his mother would've known. It was Primatech after all-- why didn't someone know? Why didn't anyone else try? Anyone else apart from Adam, because that was what he'd been left with. He had Adam, and trusting that simple fact had almost led him to helping to destroy the world. Adam had become his whole world, and that was the problem. He'd become so much of him, that coming back was like whiplash.

Blinking back into reality when Nathan set a hand on his shoulder. It shouldn't have been that complicated, but it was. Because he hadn't found a way to escape from any of it, and even now there was a roof above his head. ]

Yeah-- yeah, sure. As long as I don't have to race you to the finish line.

It'll be easy, Pete.

[ But Nathan understood that there were reasons why it wasn't, and he slid an arm under his brother's, pushing up off the ground. ]

I used to take you skating, remember? Taught you. You used to hold on tight to my hand, but you always wanted to be three steps ahead, skating around like the other kids. So you let go and you fell over a bunch of times, and when you cried, I told you that the bruises were there to dissuade you from falling again. That you'd keep falling over unless you were bolder. And you were. I looked away for just a second and then there you were, wobbling out into the middle where people were flying around fast as you like without looking where they were going. I thought you were going to get yourself killed out there, and I saw you go down. My heart just about leapt into my chest. I couldn't see you.

[ They were high above the trees now. ]

You ready for me to let you go?

[ The temptation to sock Nathan and be done with this bullshit was nearly excruciating.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't bullshit. Peter knew that it wasn't, knew that it mattered to him just like it always had, but it was making his insides crawl, like his internal organs were trying to vacate and hide in the back of his skull, crowding out all the room until there was nothing left but a dull thudding of pain. It didn't make sense. None of it made sense, and Nathan could go on about ice skating until the cows came home, but it wouldn't change a thing. It wouldn't.

Nathan was his big brother; he loved him, he'd missed him more than he could put words too, but it didn't put the world back into place. It didn't set it spinning in just the right motion and Adam had at least proved one thing -- he needed to stop relying on other people. Even the ones who he thought mattered the most. ]

Yeah, you can let go.

[ He could hover after all; it was practically the first thing he'd learned how to do. After falling. He shot a glance down towards the trees and shook his head, unbelievingly. Maybe he really did have to figure out how to do this on his own. ]

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